Pray for knees all across America

I am so...depressed. I just learned that I am not a REAL American. All this time, worrying about the state of my country and the plight of the people within it, and I find out that my concern was wrong and unnecessary. I feel so...betrayed...by my naivete, my bleeding-heart status, my misplaced tears.

Apparently, REAL Americans live only in small towns, and only in certain portions of the country. Here is how you can tell the true patriots from...um...the rest of us:

*They do not believe in a woman's right to choose. They *do* believe in forcing a woman who has survived rape and/or incest to bear and birth a child from that terrible act.

*They do not believe in allowing gays to marry or to have the same rights as other humans. They *do* believe that gays can be "cured" by slapping them with enough religion to fell an angel.

*They do not profess to be racists or bigots. They *do* believe that anyone of Muslim descent is to be feared and hated...and that the wife of the African-American (oops. Better remove the "American"...) Presidential candidate should be "lynched" and "tracked down". But only if it's proven "100%" that she believes "that America is a bad country or a flawed nation"... (BTW - name just one country that isn't in some way flawed. I dare you.).

So basically, the rest of us are unnecessary and unwanted. If we have even a glimmer of hope that we might one day be considered real Americans, then we must hasten to do at least one of these things (Sort of like an initiation. But that would be Un-American.):

1. Pray for the eternally damned souls of women who have had abortions, regardless the circumstances.

2. Pray for the eternally damned souls of gays.

3. Pray for the eternally damned souls of Muslims (and anyone else who is not white-bread, "Christian" American).

4. Pray for the eternally damned souls of anyone who questions church and/or state.

And for those of you who thought you were grandfathered into the "real American" category simply because you or a loved one has served this country in the Armed Forces - guess again. Here's why - there are Muslims who have died for our country. Blacks have died for our country. But if they didn't, or wouldn't have, supported a McCain/Palin White House, then they were *not* REAL AMERICANS. So while you're praying, better pray for their eternally damned souls as well.

Better get some knee-pads.